Monday, November 28, 2011


The spark that fizzled out before its time
The jewel that nobody wore because it lost its shine
The night that passed by without any mystery
The moment that was miraculous but didn't quite make history
The blood that spilled without a reason
The chill that was cursed because it wasn't the season
The shoes that never found the right feet
The friends that drifted because there was never enough time to meet
The words that weren't spoken for fear of one
The bruises that didn't heal because you were scared to have fun
The colleague you didn't help because it wasn't your job
The sunshine you missed because it was always too hot
The perfume you didn't wear because it was for special days
The lover you secretly long for since you went your own ways
The souvenir you saved that doesn't amount to much anymore
The journey you didn't make because you were afraid of a closed door

A bit was lost and a lot was gained
Time may have passed but you may have failed.

You are your priority- not mine!

Two sides to a coin. The illusion of weighing the pros and cons. The classical dilemma between rationale and instinct.
The fear of losing something you don’t own. The dread that comes with the possibility of owning something you don’t even want.
Welcome to my mind. Let me take you on a tour through the world I’ve built for myself in the world that you call yours.
Before you begin your journey, there are rules you must abide by.
1)      You may judge.
2)      You may criticize.
3)      You may make fun.
4)      You may be biased.
5)      You may relate.
6)      You may stop reading at any instant of time. This moment qualifies.
7)      You must not question.
8)      You must not debate.
9)      You must not interrupt.
10)   You must not try to gain a residency status in my world.
Let me begin by answering a question that people love to ask- What are the priorities in your life?
Family, career. I don’t have a third priority. Yes, I probably do not have a life according to the rules of your world but this is my world we’re talking about. I believe in the concept of friends just as much as I believe in the concept of the tooth fairy. The purest non-familial love is touch and go. Money is a necessary evil but not worthy of being a priority.
First up, my family.
Satisfaction level: 10 out of 10. They are so perfect I don’t have to think. Touchwood.
I have been writing a lot about marriage lately and so I must clear the doubts that have been consequentially raised.
I love the concept of marriage. I think it’s beautiful that you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and then you both make a world together, where there are no secrets and you are never alone and you don’t have a moment to spare for yourself and you have a new set of relatives overnight and you can’t go out for a drive alone because you feel like getting away from everyone and you see that the man you married has put on weight and you are stuck with him and he farts and belches and makes a mess of your bathroom and he wants to have sex every night and suddenly there is someone telling you what color does not suit you and that you would look better with your hair longer and you have to cook for him and you have to socialize with people you detest and suddenly someone is stalking you and he is what they call a husband. EEEEYAAARRRGGGHH!!!
Who am I kidding? I began writing about how nice it would be and I can’t even lie about how horrendous it sounds. As I said, welcome to my mind. This is what I think about getting married.
Current satisfaction level: 9 out of 10. Currently content with the single status.
Next up, my so-called career.
So, yeah. Qualifications: 3 years of electrical engineering, 4 years of computer science engineering, 2 years of MBA with Marketing and Sales as a specialization and an additional year of MBA with Marketing & IT specialization, currently pursuing a long distance course of script writing from London School of Journalism.
Currently working as an Associate Editor of an online tech magazine. Previously dabbled in advertising and digital media.
Perpetually torn between creativity and logic.
Perpetually trying to come up with hare-brained entrepreneurial schemes that bite the dust when I try to work out the business models for each.
Satisfaction level: 4 out of 10. Don’t know what I want or where I belong.               
There aren’t any more priorities. There are wants, but there are no needs.
The mind does not adhere to the norms of convention and the heart does not want to talk about it.
There is this constant nagging sense of insecurity and uncertainty that the mind creates whenever it gets a moment to itself. And that makes me wonder.
·         Do I love what I do?
·         Do I know what I want?
People tell me that I am wise and not a stupid fool. Why doesn’t it feel that way?
Why do people expect me to talk to them when talking irritates me? I don’t mind communication, but I hate phones. You can’t just pick up your phone and dial my number and expect me to be free to talk to you or to reply to your texts. Why is that so difficult to understand?
If I’m sitting in a café and quietly reading a book and drinking my coffee, why do people feel the compulsion to make small talk? Yes, I know the author of the book is good. No, I haven’t read his other books. No, I don’t want to tell you where I work. No, I’m not carrying my business card. And no, I do NOT want to network with a complete stranger. And I know how to put a bloody charger into the wall socket so you do NOT have to assist me. I can pick up the tissue that fell from my table so do NOT help me.
I always thought I was one of the optimists and if there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s cynicism based on whim. But living alone has made me fiercely possessive about my space. Not just at a café but also at work, at home and even on the road.
So you can imagine what happens when the mind starts thinking too much about one person in particular. It obsesses one moment and then it distances itself in the next moment.
So, now that you know about my priorities and know that you are not one of them, feel free to ignore me. You’ll be doing me a favor.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


Since I cannot avoid the “Big 3-0,” I’ve decided to make it the most eventful year of my life. So dear 2012, get ready because my bucket list is ready. It is shallow and selfish, just like me. I don’t yet know how (or maybe I just don’t want to reveal it yet), but this is what I’m going to accomplish in the year 2012. Not resolutions, just reminders:
  1. Move into a new house in Delhi. One that’s bigger, better and feels at least a bit like home. No more living like a hippie.
  2. Begin eating 3 square meals a day. And more importantly, start cooking them.
  3. Get a bloody increase in salary. No more overqualified underpaid business.
  4. Finish the draft of my first book. Since it’s been begun and trashed countless number of times, I at least know what not to do.
  5. Make up my mind whether I want to get married or not. If not, convince the family. If yes, get engaged.
  6. Make a trip to Varkala and Kochi. Kerala is not that far away and not so expensive.
  7. Learn how to swim, Goddamnit. Considering how much I love water, it’s a shame that I don’t know how to swim.
  8. Begin that long distance course from LSJ I’ve been eyeing for so long now.
  9. Invest. Find the will to save enough for a modest investment.
  10. Start an exercise routine and stick to it for more than just a week.
  11. Wake up every morning no later than 7 a.m. Okay, 8 a.m. That’s it.
  12. Find out what the fuck it is that I want to do for the rest of my life. Professionally, that is. And then stick to that. Changing job profiles every six months is suicidal.
Okay, that’s all I can think of right now.  Also, I just remembered I have pending work. More important. I’ll keep updating this list. Suggestions, as always, are always welcome.