Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Unborn feelings....

I wanted to say "No"...but I said "Yes", thinking I'd change my mind in a couple of days, or maybe a couple of moments.
I wanted to run away, but I stayed on to see what would happen next.
I wanted to scream, but I chose to remain quiet to see if things could get any worse.
I wanted to embrace the moment, but I held myself back thinking too much happiness is always followed by grief.
I wanted to kill myself, but I chose to stay alive in the hope of a better tomorrow.
I wanted to kill someone, but I let them live because of the grief that I did not want to cause people I'd never met - Someone's kin.
I wanted to tell my parents that I can never repay them for the love and affection with which they've brought me up, but I kept putting it off till tomorrow.
I wanted to run away and never come back, but I stayed on for just another day and then changed my mind.
I wanted to wipe off someone's tears, but I thought it was none of my concern.
I wanted to laugh hysterically in a room full of soft-spoken snobs, but I kept quiet because I did not want to seem crass.
I wanted to jump from the top of a cliff to see if I could fly, but the pain of failure and broken bones made me walk away.
I wanted to finish writing the book I started, but I read the work of some other people who were so much more gifted and well traind in te art of writing that it made me look at my words with disgust.

The day I break the shackles that bind me to my every move, will be the day I will achieve Enlightenment.
I cry, I laugh, I walk, I stop, I write, I fear, I love, I hate, I regret, I cherish....
But there are times I do it all not because I want to, but because I'm supposed to.
And the very supposition that there is a certain way to live is what makes me want to stop living.