Monday, October 19, 2009

Splendour Denied

the Plundering Pirate

He came, descending on her love for life like a swarm of bloodsucking locusts, looting her of her innocence and her belief in the triumph of justice.

the Dreadlock Rasta

He came singing a happy tune, his free spirit elevating her soul; his words poison to her dreams.

the Man of the Cloth

He came and went as he pleased, leaving her with questions she'd never know the answers to; his faith her undoing.

the Marauding Savage

He slaughtered her desire to be one with herself; his contempt for life leaving her with scars that would ever heal.

the Ironical Clown

He bounced into her life with laughter and smiles; his own smile a farce; his love mocking her every step of the way.

the Boy-Next-Door

He uderstood less than he thought he did; his desire to be the one making him a face in the crowd.

the Wise Wizard

He listened and he counseled his way out of her life; leaving her with answers she never wanted to know.

They had no stories to tell
No adventures to speak of
How could they be characters in her masterpiece
How could they be unique....
When they all met the same woman
And none could earn her respect?

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Unfinished Business

It's 4:38 a.m. and contrary to what you might think, I didn't wake up early. I just haven't slept yet.

You know that uncomfortable feeling you get when you know that there is something you had to do, but can't quite remember what it was??
Yes, that's been keeping me up nights.
And I'm not just talking about tonight or the night before. It's been this way for quite some time now.

I was thinking (again!) and I realized something. Most of what I begin to do, doesn't quite meet its end.


That's the word that describes the past decade's activities in a nutshell.

I am a victim of procrastination. And that is probably one of my biggest weaknesses.
I can attribute most of what I am today to my unfinished agenda for life.
And it hasn't always been my fault. There have been times when circumstances pushed and pulled me away from the final act.

I think it started when I joined enginnering college.
Two years after trying my luck at Electrical Engineering, I started all over again with Computer Science Engineering.
Took me longer than it takes your average joe to get a Grad degree.
MBA was an even worse experience.
First semester in Kolkata, 2nd Semester in Gurgaon...and then to Chandigarh to start from 1st semester all over again.
I began writing a children's book 2 years ago. The plot was laid out. The characters left me midway.
I fell in love with a dream about tomorrow. I didn't stay in love long enough to see the tomorrow.
It's unfair on people around me.
There are two kinds of people I know of- the mountains and the streams.
The mountains refused to let me reach the top and the streams weren't deep enough for me to make the effort. And all my endeavours to be with either were once agan - incomplete.

I've been telling myself there is a reason why all this happened.
I just don't see what the reason could be.

It has affected me on the personal front too.
I never finish what I start.
Infatuations are nulled before they can even blossom and commitments are shunned before they can even be considered.
My jigsaw puzzle is missing pieces.
My mind is occupied with incomplete thoughts.
There is something worse than the knowledge that you did something wrong - and that is the knowledge that you didn't do it all the way to find out whether it was right.
I have unfinished business. Only, it's with myself.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Sound Effects

A silken voice calls my name
Beckons me to come in again
Showers my soul with with words so true
Every breath is one too few
Talks of life like no-one before
Comprehends me like no-one I know
I suspect foul play and stay away
Memories of faith left for another day
Silently turning to my written word
Blocking the voice so it'll be no longer heard
It persists with conviction and I take the bait
Visions of affection overpowering of late
I trust, I give, I listen some more
It speaks, It loves, It nurses my spirit sore
Time changes and with it the voice
The silken tone forgets the joys
It yells, It screams, It tears me apart
Who do I blame, but my silly heart?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

B-School Blahs!!

And so it begins.....
Everyone around me is on pins and needles...only they aren't showing it!
The quest for the "perfect job" begins soon as you realize the importance, pressures and freedom financial independence brings with it.
Or rather, it starts soon as you gain admission to a Business School, where you try to analyze your classmates and within a span of 6 months, silently categorize the competitive candidates and the not-so-competitive ones in your mind.
Some of us sit confident in the knowledge of posessing good marketing sklls, financial expertise, operational fluency, human resource understanding or I.T. scenarios.
Some of us bask in the glory of posessing sound communication skills, while others silently try to emulate what the soft skills teachers try to teach us.
Sit up straight. Don't cross your legs. Don't debate with the interviewers unnecessarily. Increase your domain knowledge. Keep yourself updated with the current business scenario. You must be aware of the political who's who of India. Go through commonly asked questions in interviews. Prepare the obvious questions. Be spontaneous (??!!??). .....and so it goes on.

They say it's a dog-eat-dog world.
Strange. It doesn't look that way to me. Not yet.
We're all so busy trying to outshine each other, that we forget that sometimes humility might help a bit in the interview process.
But in those 5 minutes in which each one of desires to grab the coveted job in question, we sometimes lose touch with what we REALLY want.

I never wanted a job. I wanted to start with my owm entreprenurial venture.
But there are some things that even the best business schools can not teach you.
Things like recognising the right questions.
Things like finding or recognising opportunities.
Things like bridging the disparities between you and your competing classmate, so that we may learn to respect the fact that we are all in it together!!

I'm all for competition. I'm not wound up in ethical issues to the extent of handing what I rightly deserve to somebody else, and I really don't have a choice in the matter.

But I am sure of one thing.
And that is that by the time the placement season ends, a lot of us will be still without jobs. Some of us will be without direction. While some others will be without conviction.
Whether or not the Institute is to be blamed for this is a debate that can turn ugly and I would rather not get into.
While I don't agree with a lot of things I have heard in the last year and a half, the one thing I do believe is that all of us were given equal opportunity to learn.
There were times I debated with the revered faculty members, times when I kept quiet for fear of being ridiculed for asking a silly question, times when I found it hard to believe the myopic viewpoints of some of my colleagues and times when I was apalled by the frivolous conduct of some others.
But they were all good times.
Because there were also times when I found solace in the friends I made here, times when we laughed for no apparent reason, times when we bunked classes for a cup of coffee at CCD, times when we scraped our financial resources together to share one omelette between 5 friends, times when we slipped late into class with an apologetic look on our faces and requests for attendence, times when we feared being detained for short attendance, times when we bet on the cricket matches to win or lose 50 Rs. , times when we all cursed the system together....this list goes on and on.

And so, I thank each one of you, my respected faculty and my dear colleagues, for the wonderful times we've shared here.
I may not have interacted with half of of you as much as I would have liked to.
And with some I interacted more than I wished to.

But before we get too wound up in the placement process to appreciate a part of what really matters, I felt my blog must have an entry that described my term here.
For who knows, what tomorrow might bring.
Good Luck- to us!!

Monday, October 12, 2009


" I am a changed person. You would hardly recognize me now. And you are the reason the change has come about."

What would you do if someone said that to you??
Would you ask if the change has been good or bad??
Would you say "OK" trying to appear non-chalant while you are swept by a wave of emotions that amaze and scare you at the same time??
Is it right to be held responsible for changing someone, for the good or otherwise??
Is it even possible??
Would you feel touched, obliged, accountable, intrigued, angered, scared, or a bit of everything??
Why do people change, even if it is for the better??
Is there not a distinguishable security you feel when people stay the same...even if the way they are infuriates you or draws you away from them??
Is not change the answer you were once looking for??
Why then is it so hard to let the change change you??
Is that not what Change does best...change the way things are??
Why, then, does change not change itself??

Topsy Turvy Tales

Loud and Insensitive
Sober and Nurturing

Fearing the Dares
Daring the Fears

Free from Pretense
Bound in Care

Denials for Truth
Acceptance for Delusions

Receptive through Smiles
Obstinate through Tears

Silence in Words
Expressions in Touch

A roller coaster ride of Emotions
We choose to call Affection

A roller coaster ride of Emotions...we choose to call Affection!!