The Law of Averages said I'd been too comfortable too long. Something had to go wrong. It was inevitable. And that's not pessimism..It's just a fact.
The last time I felt so dimunitive was probably two years ago. I remember writing about it in the blog-that-was.
I love life, really. It's been trying since the year 2000 to make me hate it. I don't even wish to recall the number of times I've felt like giving it up to a slash of the blade or a gulp of rat-poison. I never gave n to my suicidal tendencies, of course. Attribute it to my disdain of the foul smell the rat -poison gave off, to my averseness to all forms of physical pain, to my love for those who'd cry for me or my cowardice.
I still love life.
And life really ought to get a life (wait that doesn't sound right...oh whatever) and stop picking on me now.
They say everything happens for a reason. I've always been a firm believer in that.
But after 9 long years, I'm sort of running out of patience.
After almost a decade of having my mind, body and soul battered, smashed and soiled, my spirit is demanding answers. I need to SEE the reason.
I'm probably one of the toughest nuts I know of and it takes an awful lot to ruffle my feathers. But tough nuts make mistakes too. Like allowing themselves the luxury of feeling what others feel. And of allowing others to believe in us.
Now THAT is a big blunder. I should have known better. I should have warned people around me that my optimism is a farce. That bad luck sticks to me like flies to honey. That to be happy around me is easy. But to be happy with me is a tad tough.
Oh well, now that people around me have realized that I wasn't kidding when I told them about my compulsive shortcomings, they hopefully will move on to a brighter tomorrow.